Ok sooooo, I have made some huge decisions. Some sad, some good. The first decision I had to make was that I had to say goodbye to two internet friends. In the whole scheme of things I had to decide if they brought me up or brought me down. I love them to death and I mourn terribly for them, but in the long run...I am so better off without their influence right now. I had put off doing this for way too long. I know once the pain and the tears subside...I will be ok.
The second decision I made has finally brought peace to my confused core. I have gone back and forth so many times concerning the house. Yes I want it..no I don't want it...maybe I want it...etc. I am NOT keeping the house. I am not going to buy right now either. I am going to rent for at least 6 months while I get my feet back on the ground.
The third decision actually came with prayer...not that the others didn't...but this one was a struggle. However, I know I'm doing the right thing. Alex has said that he wants to stay in the house...I'm going to let he stay with Steve. Steve is coming around and trying to build a better relationship with the boys. I think he will discipline in a right manner than before. Alex is having a rough time right now. He's become very disrepectful to me and is just beligerant. He needs a stronger hand right now. Alex has me too wrapped around his finger and knows I'll cave in (especially when he gets angry). So I talked it over with Steve and now we're going to tell Alex tomorrow.
I now will be the one paying child support. I will always do my share where my kids are concerned. It just seems funny when I make a quarter of what Steve makes and yet I have to pay child support. Steve could support him no problem on his own. I'm not complaining...just think its funny.
I will be able to widen my search area now for a place to live. I want to stay within my Ward boundaries at church but at least it opens the area of looking a bit. So I am at peace with these decisions and I look forward to packing!
The good thing that's going on I will talk about at a later date. But I will say I'm happy because I have finally figured out who I am and that I do have worth to others! Im sure I will have the occassional melt-down, but I will pick myself up and move forward.