Sunday, May 24, 2009

Here's the least some of it =)

Ok sooooo, I have made some huge decisions. Some sad, some good. The first decision I had to make was that I had to say goodbye to two internet friends. In the whole scheme of things I had to decide if they brought me up or brought me down. I love them to death and I mourn terribly for them, but in the long run...I am so better off without their influence right now. I had put off doing this for way too long. I know once the pain and the tears subside...I will be ok.

The second decision I made has finally brought peace to my confused core. I have gone back and forth so many times concerning the house. Yes I want I don't want it...maybe I want it...etc. I am NOT keeping the house. I am not going to buy right now either. I am going to rent for at least 6 months while I get my feet back on the ground.

The third decision actually came with prayer...not that the others didn't...but this one was a struggle. However, I know I'm doing the right thing. Alex has said that he wants to stay in the house...I'm going to let he stay with Steve. Steve is coming around and trying to build a better relationship with the boys. I think he will discipline in a right manner than before. Alex is having a rough time right now. He's become very disrepectful to me and is just beligerant. He needs a stronger hand right now. Alex has me too wrapped around his finger and knows I'll cave in (especially when he gets angry). So I talked it over with Steve and now we're going to tell Alex tomorrow.

I now will be the one paying child support. I will always do my share where my kids are concerned. It just seems funny when I make a quarter of what Steve makes and yet I have to pay child support. Steve could support him no problem on his own. I'm not complaining...just think its funny.

I will be able to widen my search area now for a place to live. I want to stay within my Ward boundaries at church but at least it opens the area of looking a bit. So I am at peace with these decisions and I look forward to packing!

The good thing that's going on I will talk about at a later date. But I will say I'm happy because I have finally figured out who I am and that I do have worth to others! Im sure I will have the occassional melt-down, but I will pick myself up and move forward.


Mimi said...

Amen for all of these difficult decisions. I hope that moving forward you bad days are far less significant than your good ones!


JoeTacoma said...

You question whether you have worth to others? Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how special you are?

Kat said...

Congratulations on making the decisions that you have. It is good that you are finding peace with these decisions.

God sometimes works in very mysterious ways and I will say I see His mystery in these decisions. As difficult as they have been, I think that you are on the right path for both you and the boys. He has also made you realize that you ARE important and that you ARE special, that you DO matter.

Queenie Jeannie said...

I'm glad to see you moving on. Just because Alex doesn't live with you, doesn't automatically mean you have to pay support. The courts will support any decision the two of you work together to come up with.

I hope you find the perfect little nest to start your new life with!!!