Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I'm Really a Fun loving Person...

I know there are a few that read my blog. I'm really not a down in the dumps, depressing individual. I love having fun, laughing, cutting up, being goofy! I hope you understand that I need to write how I feel going through this divorce. Yes, maybe no different than someone else....but they're my feelings, my situations, etc. I need to remember them so it will make me stronger in the future.

I really need to get some sleep. Last night sleep eluded me...I was a mess. I have never cried that hard. I grabbed the pillow and just screamed and sobbed into it. I was an emotional wreck. You know the kind...where you can't catch your breath and you can't breathe. I really glad I'm not suicidal because last night was the lowest I have every felt.

Since I couldn't breath..I got back online and was pleasantly surprised to see my sister Penny online. I haven't chatted with her for a while and it was sooo good to do that. I miss my baby sis!

I was pretty much useless at work today...soooo tired, hard time concentrating, wanting to lay my head back on my chair and rest. Just a few moments..PLEASE..

I don't think I've ever felt this so alone before. The anxiety is overwhelming sometimes. Tonight when it hit...I just sat in my chair and kept telling myself it would pass. I wanted to pick the phone up and call someone...all my friends would listen...but I always stop myself because I don't want to burden anyone or waste their time.

Everyone thinks I'm so strong and can handle anything. It may appear so on the outside..but on the inside, I'm standing on the edge.

Anywho..I so appreciate having this blog to express what I'm feeling. Then to be able to look at it later and see progress, even though there are times I fall back down the hill a bit.

1 comment:

Mimi said...

I know you are a great fun person. There's no way to make it easier right now, but just keep your eye on that light at the end of the tunnel.

Think of how fun it will be setting up your own little place, free from mean words & looks!