The last week has been up and down. There's going to be a bit of a fight on the divorce side. Steve says he's only going to pay child support and fight on everything else. Well, I'm not asking for anything more than what the law says is legally mine. Hopefully his lawyer will set him straight. Not sure if I'm staying in the house or if Steve is. I refuse for my credit to be ruined. If I have to get a part time job in order to keep the house...I will. Or maybe I can find some roomates. Me at 49 yrs of age and having roomates. Why is it that you work just as hard as your partner but in the end because they make a heck of a lot more than you do...they walk away barely affected (financial-wise).

Ok so I'm real down again right now.

I have a 17 yr old son who talks terrible to me. I didn't raise him to talk this way but that's how he chooses to talk. It makes me sad. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing more unbecoming than to hear or read someone cussing. Mind you, I'm not judgemental...just don't like it.

I skipped church today just because I wanted to sleep and dream about good things. Dream about a relationship that's good. One I haven't seen yet. I'm lonely... And now I'm going to have a pity party... who wants a fat 49 year old??? Do I have a lot to give...yes. From past experience though...men look at the outside first. And I don't feel very attractive right now. Don't tell me I can do something about it...I KNOW. But even when I was thinner...I was the wallflower.

I'm having conficting emotions right now too about where to live. Yes, I'd like to stay in the house and not have my credit ruined. But if Steve does take the house...do I stay here in Texas??? I could move back up to Minnesota. I'd have my family around. But I would soooo miss my friends. And can make new ones... I love the Ward I'm in at church. I'd really miss it. Oh, I don't know...lots of praying to do.

I just really...really...want a hug...