I had a blast working on my blog last night. A lot of fun things out there and other blogs to creatively copy from...LOL. So I thank Aubrey, Jeannie, and Pam. I sure would like to get more creative in what I write. It's more like a journal for me but I really like the quizes I receive on my email so I think I may add some of those too.

Today through Saturday is major house cleaning day. On top of that I'm going to do a little shopping. I want to find one of the fiberoptic Christmas trees. they are so pretty and low maintenance. Otherwise I want a tree with the lights already on it and new decorations. Christmas this year is going to be awesome. Matt, my parents, hopefully Steve's mom will all be here.

I'm off and running now but will add more meaningful substance to my blog later...chow!

ONE MORE WEEK!!!!!! November 12, 2008

I can't believe how fast time flies! We're already getting things together to go see Matt. His friend Jenifer and I are coordinating how we're going to get the things Matt wants us to bring to him. Since we're flying on buddy passes, we are carrying our bags on board. I am not looking forward to the squishy seats.

I am cleaning my house from top to bottom (ok, I'll give it a good effort since I'm not the greatest keeper). Time is going to fly from next week on for a while. When we get back from Georgia, I've got to get all the Christmas stuff up and the house decorated...Have Thanksgiving (which by the way was started by my ninth Great Grandfather Governor William Bradford). Then December 1st is my surgery.

I really not looking forward to the surgery....actually kind of scared. Four procedures will be done and the doctor said it would take about 3 1/2 hours to complete. I'll be sore for a while, but I'll have 6 weeks to recover.

Mom and Dad, Steve's mom (maybe), are coming down for Christmas. Matt is so excited ans well as I am!!!

Will need to complete my thoughts later as I'm supposed to be working.....check back later!

Tuesday November 11, 2008

It's 7:49 am and already I have spend several hours searching my heart for the things I want in life. I'm actually feeling pretty good about some of the decisions I've come up with. Actually they are things I've thought about for some time. It's time to take control of myself, take care of myself, be the person I want to be. It feels good. Now I know I need to go to my Heavenly Father first to see if these changes are what's best for me. But for the first time in a long time...my head and heart are in the same place. Heck, who knows, maybe now I can quit sabatoshing myself LOL!

I'm actually starting to have fun with this blog. I'm still pulling my hair out trying to figure out how to put things on it..but hey, that's the nature of the beast! Oh, and Jeannie, if you happen to visit my blog...I'm really not copying....just having a lot of fun!!

Eight more days and we fly out to visit Matt!!!! I'm sooooooo excited. Can't say I'm too excited about the plane ride (ie the very small seats!). I'm feeling sad about leaving Gizmo behind. I'm boarding him at our vets. They really like him and I know they'll take good care of him. It's just that I have never kennel trained him. He'll freak!!! My poor baby...sob......

It's time to get working...I love my job!! Ta-ta for now :0)

I wrote Matt a long letter today. I was listing the things I had to do before he got home. I started to get that anxiety feeling. It's a strange feeling. It's a sense of...how to describe...a sense of not being in control. It didn't last long but I was surprised I felt that way in just writing a letter.

Anywho, I'm taking a deep breath and trying to go with the flow.

Yesterday we practiced for the Primary program. What a hoot! Our primary is fairly large...imagine at least 50-60+ kids in a restless state for 2 hours. Oh my gosh, the program is supposed to be about 35-40 minute long...it took 2 hours to get through it just once...hehehe. Somehow every year it all works out. The children behave, remember their parts, and hopefully the pianist doesn't screw up LOL!

One worry has been removed from my mind as far as work is concerned through my recovery from surgery. I will be bringing my PC home so I have access to everything on it and not have to worry about someone else printing something out for me. So I'm relieved. I'm one of those people who hates relying on others for help. I know...I need to let others help me when in need. It's not only a blessing for me but a blessing for others who want to serve. It's just hard getting that through my head.

People from church will be bringing in meals for a little while in the beginning so Steve and Alex don't have to worry about it. My folks will be here for Christmas and just having them here to enjoy their company is a comfort. Steve's mom may being coming down too. She would do anything for me. I will say that I have been blest with the most absolute wonderful parents anyone could ask for. And I also was blest with the most wonderful Mother-in-law!

I am so looking forward to Matt coming home for Christmas. He loves Christmas...the lights, the music, the Christmas shows, the goodies...just the whole feeling of love at Christmas time.

I remember one Christmas while growing up that I'll never forget. We did a sub for Santa program that year. I was a senior in high school. We were asked to buy gifts for the children of the family that we were given. We did more than that. Each of us kids willingly gave up part of our own christmas and purchased toys for the children. As a family we didn't stop there, we also provided clothing to this family, including the mom & dad. They were hand me downs from our family, but these clothes, coats, etc. were in awsome condition. Then we bought a Christmas Tree with all the lights and decorations. Then we provided them with a Christmas dinner including all the trimmings. I remember when we got to their home, the father had the kids go in a back room because "Santa" has just arrived. My dad does the best Ho-ho-ho's!!! You could hear the kids giggling of excitement in the background. As we brought all of these things in I glanced at the mother and there were tears streaming down her face. It was the most humbling moment for me. It wasn't all the things we were giving them. It was letting these strangers know that we loved them. The car ride home was silent...a peaceful silence. Grateful to be able to serve our brothers and sisters of the world. I always tear up when I think about that Christmas. That is what Christmas is all about.

It it so past my bedtime but somehow I feel like I just might get enough sleep. Going to sleep on these wonderful memories. Think I'll listen to some Christmas tunes to go to sleep by!

Sunday November 9, 2008

I feel like I'm trapped in a raging whirlpool, getting spun around and around. It's amazing to me how much pressure I put on myself because of my weight. I know I judge myself way too harshly. And right now I want to hide under the nearest (and biggest) rock. I was doing so good. From March of this year to July of this year I has lost 44 pounds. And now half of it is back on. I'm an emotional eater. I let littel stresses become big stresses. Things that are stressing me right now (and please don't laugh because they're huge to me even if not to anyone else): Having to play the piano for the Primary program next Sunday, fitting in an airplane seat that's smal even to a regular size person (and continental is the worst!), Matt seeing me with weight back on, my upcoming surgery, and a few other things that I don't care to write about.

I'm not having a pity me party, I'm just venting the emotions I have always dealt with. I always feel like I'm second best...or third...or fourth...etc. Now I can't say that with my children. I adore them and I know they love me. And of course my parents...they are the best any could ask for. They would do anything for me and I for them. I guess I'm talking about other relationships, but I don't want to get into it right now.

I seem to always run away from things and I don't want to do that anymore. I have made a lot of wonderful changes to myself over the past two years so I am grateful for that. I just need to keep moving forward.

I have to be positive the rest of the day. I owe it the those wonderful primary children who are so innocent. If they can overlook all my wrong notes...then I should be able too also.

More later....

Thursday October 30, 2008

Today I start a 4 week challenge with a forum group that I participate in. The challenge is to be 100% on plan at losing weight. I fell off after my vacation in July. Not good...now I have to practically start all over. I did not gain all the weight back that I lost, however enough back that I'm uncomfortable. I think about the airplane ride to GA, it's coming up very quickly...will I fit in the seat. Oh yes, I think about that a lot.

I've been thinking about the resurrection and the millennium lately. What it will be like, etc. It's my new interest of research. I especially wonder about having children. Since I'm too old now and technically after my surgery I won't be able too...I wonder if it will happen then. Food for though.

I'm working from home right now but these thoughts were in my head and I needed to write them down. More later...

Tuesday October 28, 2008

Lots of time has past since I've posted on my blog. Guess I'm not the greatest at writing but hey...it's for me right!



Matt is done with boot camp and is in AIT now. He'll graduate on November 21st. I'm real excited to see him. Gosh I'm proud of him. He has grown so much. The maturity level amazes me.



We've settled into our groove at work. It's been a whirlwind. Taking a defunct company and turning it around has been an amazing trip. Our doctors couldn't be happier. It's now time to go out and drum up some new business. I say a little at a time so that roots can be planted & grow deep. I love the fact that I could make the decision to work from home 2 days a week. It lets me have that homemaker feel that I always liked as well as earning money.



My surgery is coming up on December 1st. I'm not looking forward to the actual surgery but I cant wait for the repairs. I'll have a six week recovery. I'll be able to sit back and relax as I can't lift anything , drive, or be very active for a bit. I will be able to work at home after a couple of weeks.



This past weekend I had a great time. I spent two night with my closest friend. We cropped and watched movies to our hearts content. We took her husband's Sky for a drive running errands. Talk about feeling like a teenager again. The top was down, the sun in my face, the wind blowing through my hair...we had a blast...lol! We definitely have to plan that again.



The Primary program at church is in two weeks. I'm terrified to play the piano in fron tof the congregation. I know they are listening to the kids and not me. But I don't want to blow it for the kids. I hate the piano in the chapel. You have to push so hard and the music stand is up so high. At least I have someone playing with me so I only have to do half the songs.



Steve and I celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary tomorrow. It's hard to believe it's been 20 years already. I look back at us then and look at us now. There have been ups and downs but I have a lot to be greatful for. Two beautiful kids, our own home, good stable jobs, and a husband that makes me laugh.



It's the bewitching hour so I must get my sleep. More later...